Been dying to use the ranting thread... HERE WE GO!!! 
THE GROUNDS - Whoever came up with this section of the game needs to be escorted out of the building, handed a cardboard box containing their desk plant, and politely asked never to touch a game again. WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?!
I'll admit, at first, I saw the vision. Running around, kicking my ball through targets, exploring the grounds... alright, fair enough! There was a little something here. A glimmer of potential. A tiny spark of greatness buried beneath the surface. I thought to myself, "You know what? This could actually be fun!"
OH, HOW NAIVE I WAS.
Because the second I decided I wanted to do the revolutionary, groundbreaking, never-before-seen activity of ACTUALLY PLAYING A MATCH, the entire experience descended into a WTF nightmare of queues, waiting, getting kicked, re-queueing, waiting some more, contemplating my life choices, and then getting bored enough to try another game mode... only to be rewarded with EVEN MORE WAITING.
And the eight-player Rush modes? GOOD. LORD.
THREE. BLOODY. HOURS.
THREE HOURS TO GET INTO A GAME. I could have cooked a three-course meal, learned a new language, watched an entire trilogy of films, and still had time left over to question why I was wasting my life trying to play this bloody game.
And why does it take so long? Because apparently, the majority of the lobby has collectively decided that the most exciting content available is either engaging in some sort of organised 1v1 orgy or standing completely motionless in the middle of the map like a gathering of NPCs who've just received news that their AI subscription has expired.
Meanwhile, I'm desperately trying to find an actual match, watching the queue timer tick away, slowly losing the will to live, wondering if the game has forgotten that it's supposed to be a GAME.
THE GROUNDS AREN'T THE PROBLEM. THE IDEA ISN'T EVEN THE PROBLEM. IT'S THE EXECUTION.
There's a potentially decent social space buried in here, but instead of creating a fun, seamless experience where you can hang out, mess around, and jump into matches whenever you fancy, they've somehow managed to create a glorified waiting room with footballs.
A waiting room where the entertainment is kicking a ball at targets, watching strangers stand still, and praying to the matchmaking gods that eight people might, just might, be available at the same time.
Honestly, this would have worked SO MUCH BETTER as a standalone social hub. Let people hang out, mess about, show off, and do their weird little 1v1 rituals to their heart's content. Fine! Wonderful! Have a lovely time!
But if you're going to put actual game modes, concrete milestones for trophies in there, MAKE THE BLOODY GAME MODES PLAYABLE.
I shouldn't need to book annual leave, pack provisions, and notify my next of kin just to get into an eight-player Rush match.
FINAL VERDICT: A decent idea buried under the execution of a drunken shopping trolley. A social hub desperately searching for a purpose, matchmaking that appears to be powered by two hamsters and a prayer, and enough queue time to make you forget what you queued for in the first place.
Potential? Absolutely.
Fun? Occasionally.
Worth spending three hours waiting for a match?
Get fucked!
THE GROUNDS - Whoever came up with this section of the game needs to be escorted out of the building, handed a cardboard box containing their desk plant, and politely asked never to touch a game again. WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?!
I'll admit, at first, I saw the vision. Running around, kicking my ball through targets, exploring the grounds... alright, fair enough! There was a little something here. A glimmer of potential. A tiny spark of greatness buried beneath the surface. I thought to myself, "You know what? This could actually be fun!"
OH, HOW NAIVE I WAS.
Because the second I decided I wanted to do the revolutionary, groundbreaking, never-before-seen activity of ACTUALLY PLAYING A MATCH, the entire experience descended into a WTF nightmare of queues, waiting, getting kicked, re-queueing, waiting some more, contemplating my life choices, and then getting bored enough to try another game mode... only to be rewarded with EVEN MORE WAITING.
And the eight-player Rush modes? GOOD. LORD.
THREE. BLOODY. HOURS.
THREE HOURS TO GET INTO A GAME. I could have cooked a three-course meal, learned a new language, watched an entire trilogy of films, and still had time left over to question why I was wasting my life trying to play this bloody game.
And why does it take so long? Because apparently, the majority of the lobby has collectively decided that the most exciting content available is either engaging in some sort of organised 1v1 orgy or standing completely motionless in the middle of the map like a gathering of NPCs who've just received news that their AI subscription has expired.
Meanwhile, I'm desperately trying to find an actual match, watching the queue timer tick away, slowly losing the will to live, wondering if the game has forgotten that it's supposed to be a GAME.
THE GROUNDS AREN'T THE PROBLEM. THE IDEA ISN'T EVEN THE PROBLEM. IT'S THE EXECUTION.
There's a potentially decent social space buried in here, but instead of creating a fun, seamless experience where you can hang out, mess around, and jump into matches whenever you fancy, they've somehow managed to create a glorified waiting room with footballs.
A waiting room where the entertainment is kicking a ball at targets, watching strangers stand still, and praying to the matchmaking gods that eight people might, just might, be available at the same time.
Honestly, this would have worked SO MUCH BETTER as a standalone social hub. Let people hang out, mess about, show off, and do their weird little 1v1 rituals to their heart's content. Fine! Wonderful! Have a lovely time!
But if you're going to put actual game modes, concrete milestones for trophies in there, MAKE THE BLOODY GAME MODES PLAYABLE.
I shouldn't need to book annual leave, pack provisions, and notify my next of kin just to get into an eight-player Rush match.
FINAL VERDICT: A decent idea buried under the execution of a drunken shopping trolley. A social hub desperately searching for a purpose, matchmaking that appears to be powered by two hamsters and a prayer, and enough queue time to make you forget what you queued for in the first place.
Potential? Absolutely.
Fun? Occasionally.
Worth spending three hours waiting for a match?
Get fucked!